Peer reviews for Kim Ji Eun

Peer Review for Sam Teacher Example

5 points

• Technically perfect

• Follows the classical argument

• Displays an interesting and unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

• Thought provoking and captivating

• Clearly the product of extensive drafting and research

4 points

• Technically perfect

• Follows the classical argument

• Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

• Clearly the product of thorough drafting and research

3 points

• Follows the classical argument

• Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

• Some evidence of drafting and research

2 points

• Displays a unique perspective on a highly specialized topic

0 points

• Incomplete or inadequate

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
4점. 자료도 충분하고 Thesis 도 잘 드러남.

How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
Enough.

Thesis
What is the thesis?
Civic Participation in Criminal Trials should exist.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes. 왜 그런 생각을 가졌는지?

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
왜, 무엇을 위해 필요한지 구체적으로. 하지만 잘 썼음.

Any other thoughts?
Interesting 한 주제. 왜 필요한지 궁금해짐.

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Yes.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis? 
Yes. it did. 재판의 종류를 설명하고 시민 재판이 무엇인지 밝힘.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Not all. but I understood what she wanted to write.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
Yes.   

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? 
Yes, it did.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?

잘 썼음.

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis? 
I agreed with the thesis.

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still agree with the thesis.

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind. 

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
주장을 뒷받침 할 수 있는 자료가 많음.

Research
Is the author using research effectively? 
Yes

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes.

Are the sources obvious?
Yes.

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes.

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
No. 많은 자료를 사용하여 주장을 뒷받침하고 있기 때문에 이미 충분하다.

Final draft

  Broadly defined, 'lying includes intentional falsification and deceitful concealment'. Also defined, lying is a perfectly ordinary event. Whether willing or not, People lie about 1.5 times each day. When we have first encounter with someone, we lie three times in ten minutes. Liars lie, but they are not alone. Ordinary people who value and practice a high degree of honesty also lie. Physicians and nurses lie to patients to ease their distress. Social psychologists lie to research subjects in studies of human behavior. Lying (Self-deception) is the instinct of human created by evolving.

  
 Many people already know that people do lie every day in the life. Lies are slippery things, and endlessly various. Self-deception is one example of lying. Patrick  Rothfuss said that “The best lies about me are the ones I told.” Also, Fyodor Dostoyevsky said that “Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.” These are famous quotes on self-deception. So, what is the self deception? Self deception is defined as the act of lying to yourself or of making yourself believe something that isn't really true. There is a familiar example which can show what is self-deception. The situation where even though he has told her several times he wants to break up, someone who convinces herself her boyfriend loves her can show who are lying oneself. Self-deception is one of the interesting topic to psychologists to study. Psychologists are trying to account for lying in evolutionary psychology.

  Then why we are lying everyday?  we can categorize motives for lying.

1)To avoid being punished. This is the most frequently mentioned motive by either children or adults. The punishment may be for a misdeed or for an accidental mistake. 

2) To obtain a reward not otherwise readily obtainable. This is the second most commonly mentioned motive, by both children and adults. 
3) To protect another person from being punished. 
4) To protect oneself from the threat of physical harm. This is different from being punished, for a threat of harm is not for a misdeed. An example would be a child who is home alone telling a stranger at the door that his father is asleep now, and to come back later. 
5) To win the admiration of others. 
6) To get out of an awkward social situation. Examples are claiming to have a babysitter problem to get out of a dull party, or ending a telephone conversation by saying there is someone at the door. 
7) To avoid embarrassment. The child who claims the wet seat resulted from water spilling, not from wetting her pants, is an example if the child did not fear punishment, only embarrassment. 
8) To maintain privacy, without giving notification of the intention to maintain some information as private. 
9) To exercise power over others, by controlling the information the target has. 

 As I mentioned before, In the view of evolutionary psychology, lie is the instinct of human created by evolving. Lying became acclimatized, society became the world where people compete to detect liar and to lie. Therefore, we can be a person deceived or a cheater. Sometimes we can not realize that we are lying and deceiving ourselves and them. For example, when children have not finished their homework, they said they did not it because it was too difficult to solve. However, this situation can be explained with the message that children are deceiving themselves by thinking they can not finish it because they did not have ability to process.

 Lying helps us to gain confidence. Many experiments have shown that people do indeed burnish their estimation of  their talent, autonomy, and rationality. One example is the Lake Wobegon effect, named after the mythical town in which all the children are above average： a majority of people rate themselves above average in any trait that matters to them. This example can show that we want to have our cushion to protect us from being hurt from the harsh realities: we have optimal margin of illusion to protect us. For example, scholars believes themselves they belong to the top 94% at their field. Similarly, 80% of  America students believes that themselves they belong to the top 50% at leadership. By doing this, they can convince themselves and others.  Also, lying enters into general use extensively and is deep-rooted in nature. Female lightning bug glows a fluorescent green. Male lightning bug is deceived and eaten when male lightning bug approached female lightning bug by expecting mating.

 According to research, we have biased memories. People thought that they did cast a vote at the election, even though they did not cast a vote. Similarly,  People thought that they donated, even though they did not. People think memories as pictures which fade out as over time, but memories are restructured and manipulated easily. In other words, people recreate their  memories and do lie easily.

 Intellectual evolution of human is established by lying is social intelligence hypothesis. In 1976, Nicholas Humphrey who is psychologist brought forward this view in Social Skill Of Intelligence. Man's remote ancestors  are ensured their safety because they were a complex group compared to other primates. However, competition for food and mate became more fiercer. The more bigger a group is, the more complex lie is. Thanks to this process, intelligence of human is also developed. Self deception was favorable to survival and spread to an evolutionary process. Because of self deception we became 'born liar.'

 Lying is not always a morally acceptable. Crime such as child molestation, sexual harassment or exploitation is no excuse or justification for lying. However, lying sometimes is a morally justifiable response to others. For example,  If a doctor tells a bereaved husband that his wife died instantly because of the crash, rather than the truth that she spent her last hours in horrific pain. In this situation we undestand the doctor’s compassion. We call the lies we like ‘white lies’. White lies can be morally acceptable from the general principle of truthfulness. 

  ‘The human capacity to lie is indispensable to the equilibrium of human consciousness and the development of man in society.’ said ’ says the literary critic and humanist philosopher George Steiner. Like it or not, we are all born liars. However we have to use lie at accurate circumstance. Even though we are born liars, we should not justify lying.

 (Why do people lie? - http://www.scribd.com/doc/56665617/2-Ekman-Paul-Lying-and-Deception-1997)

우리는 왜 자신을 속이도록 진화했을까? http://blog.aladin.co.kr/flows1/6612947

                                              http://blog.naver.com/transminds?
Redirect=Log&logNo=80066374523
http://book.naver.com/bookdb/book_detail.nhn?bid=7273379
Lake Wobegon effect  http://terms.naver.com/entry.nhn?docId=2067311&cid=42107&categoryId=42107

Confirmation

3. The confirmation, which lays out in a logical order (usually strongest to weakest or most obvious to most subtle) the claims that support the thesis, providing evidence for each claim.

/

1. What is my thesis?

.Lying (Self-deception) is the instinct of human created by evolving.

2. What types of source am I using to defend my thesis? 

I am using expert's opinion and practical examples.

3. Are my arguments mostly based on evidence, logic or emotion?

My argument is based on analysis, related facts(research) and practical examples. 

My Confirmation

 Then why we are lying everyday?  we can categorize motives for lying.

1)To avoid being punished. This is the most frequently mentioned motive by either children or adults. The punishment may be for a misdeed or for an accidental mistake. 

2) To obtain a reward not otherwise readily obtainable. This is the second most commonly mentioned motive, by both children and adults. 
3) To protect another person from being punished. 
4) To protect oneself from the threat of physical harm. This is different from being punished, for a threat of harm is not for a misdeed. An example would be a child who is home alone telling a stranger at the door that his father is asleep now, and to come back later. 
5) To win the admiration of others. 
6) To get out of an awkward social situation. Examples are claiming to have a babysitter problem to get out of a dull party, or ending a telephone conversation by saying there is someone at the door. 
7) To avoid embarrassment. The child who claims the wet seat resulted from water spilling, not from wetting her pants, is an example if the child did not fear punishment, only embarrassment. 
8) To maintain privacy, without giving notification of the intention to maintain some information as private. 
9) To exercise power over others, by controlling the information the target has. 

 (Why do people lie? - http://www.scribd.com/doc/56665617/2-Ekman-Paul-Lying-and-Deception-1997)

 As I mentioned before, In the view of evolutionary psychology, lie is the instinct of human created by evolving. Lying became acclimatized, society became the world where people compete to detect liar and to lie. Therefore, we can be a person deceived or a cheater. Sometimes we can not realize that we are lying and deceiving ourselves and them. For example, when children have not finished their homework, they said they did not it because it was too difficult to solve. However, this situation can be explained with the message that children are deceiving themselves by thinking they can not finish it because they did not have ability to process.

 Lying helps us to gain confidence. For example, scholars believes themselves they belong to the top 94% at their field. Similarly, 80% of  America students believes that themselves they belong to the top 50% at leadership. By doing this, they can convince themselves and others.  Also, lying enters into general use extensively and is deep-rooted in nature. Female lightning bug glows a fluorescent green. Male lightning bug is deceived and eaten when male lightning bug approached female lightning bug by expecting mating.

[출처] 진화생물학의 눈으로 본 속임수와 자기기만의 메커니즘 『우리는 왜 자신을 속이도록 진화했을까』 (::: 살림출판사 좋은 책을 약속합니다 :::) |작성자 작은차이

 

The Narration

 Many people already know that people do lie every day in the life. Lies are slippery things, and endlessly various. Self-deception is one example of lying. Patrick  Rothfuss said that “The best lies about me are the ones I told.” Also, Fyodor Dostoyevsky said that “Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.” These are famous quotes on self-deception. So, what is the self deception? Self deception is defined as the act of lying to yourself or of making yourself believe something that isn't really true. There is a familiar example which can show what is self-deception. The situation where even though he has told her several times he wants to break up, someone who convinces herself her boyfriend loves her can show who are lying oneself. Self-deception is one of the interesting topic to psychologists to study. Psychologists are trying to account for lying in evolutionary psychology.


http://blog.aladin.co.kr/flows1/6612947
http://blog.naver.com/transminds?Redirect=Log&logNo=80066374523

research

Intellectual evolution of human is established by lying is social intelligence hypothesis. In 1976, Nicholas Humphrey who is psychologist brought forward this view in Social Skill Of Intelligence. Man's remote ancestors  are ensured their safety because they were a complex group compared to other primates. However, competition for food and mate became more fiercer. The more bigger a group is, the more complex lie is. Thanks to this process, intelligence of human is also developed. Self deception was favorable to survival and spread to an evolutionary process. Because of self deception, we became 'born liar.'

Second Draft

Introduction
 Broadly defined, 'lying includes intentional falsification and deceitful concealment'. Also defined, lying is a perfectly ordinary event. Whether willing or not, People lie about 1.5 times each day. When we have first encounter with someone, we lie three times in ten minutes. Liars lie, but they are not alone. Ordinary people who value and practice a high degree of honesty also lie. Physicians and nurses lie to patients to ease their distress. Social psychologists lie to research subjects in studies of human behavior. Lie is inevitably needed and lie is instinct of human to achieve or protect something.

Research
 Through extensive empirical studies of adults' and children's motives for lying, researcher Paul Ekman compiled a list of nine different reasons people lie. According to Ekman, common reasons people lie are to avoid punishment and to obtain rewards. People also lie to protect others from punishment, to protect themselves and others from the threat of physical harm, to get out of an awkward social situation, to avoid embarrassment, to maintain privacy and to exercise power over others. People lie to maintain their privacy. Philosopher David Nyberg has also recognized the privacy motive, noting that "we have learned to use deception and to gain and protect the privacy."
  Many experiments have shown that people do indeed burnish their estimation of  their talent, autonomy, and rationality. One example is the Lake Wobegon effect, named after the mythical town in which all the children are above average： a majority of people rate themselves above average in any trait that matters to them. This example can show that we want to have our cushion to protect us from being hurt from the harsh realities: we have optimal margin of illusion to protect us.

Intellectual evolution of human is established by lying is social intelligence hypothesis. In 1976, Nicholas Humphrey who is psychologist brought forward this view in Social Skill Of Intelligence. Man's remote ancestors  are ensured their safety because they were a complex group compared to other primates. However, competition for food and mate became more fiercer. The more bigger a group is, the more complex lie is. Thanks to this process, intelligence of human is also developed. Self deception was favorable to survival and spread to an evolutionary process. Because of self deception we became 'born liar.'

Refutation
 Lying to protect the privacy is not always a morally acceptable departure from the general principle of truthfulness. Crime such as child molestation, sexual harassment or exploitation, privacy is no excuse or justification for lying.
 My qualified defense is that lying sometimes is a morally justifiable response to others seeking information. Not only do we make exceptions to the prohibition against lying; sometimes we enthusiastically approve of it. If a doctor tells a bereaved husband that his wife died instantly in the crash, rather than the truth – that she spent her last hours in horrific pain – we applaud the doctor’s compassion. When a football manager convinces his team of his complete confidence in their ability to recover from two goals down at half-time, even though he is inwardly despairing, we call it inspirational leadership. We call the lies we like ‘white lies’. White lies can be morally acceptable from the general principle of truthfulness. 


conclusion
 What’s certain is that our ability to deceive is innate, and false speech comes naturally to our lips. ‘The human capacity to lie,’ says the literary critic and humanist philosopher George Steiner, is ‘indispensable to the equilibrium of human consciousness and the development of man in society.’ Like it or not, we are all born liars. However we have to use lie at accurate circumstance. Even though we are born liars, we should not justify lying.

Self-Evaluation

1) What score do you think you deserve? Here is the rubric:

1 point - The student completes a first draft that demonstrates an understanding of the classical argument.

2) What did you do well?

Through introduction reader could understand the thesis of my statement.

arguments are based off of opinions and personal feelings.
3) What could you have done better?

Research

4) Which part of the classical argument did you use the best?

I did my best for writing the classical argument.

5) Which part of the classical argument did you use the most poorly?

Research which I found to support my thesis is not accurate to support my thesis.

6) What's your strategy to make your second draft better? My narration is strong. I do a good job explaining the foundations of the issue, and I prepare my audience to hear my argument.

Finding more proper research to support my thesis is my strategy to make my second draft better.